I’m sorry I’ve been MIA the last few weeks. After our vacation in Oregon, I just needed a little time to catch up with myself and handle some personal things.

All through life I’ve always known that whatever has been thrown my way only makes me stronger. Never let it knock you down. Just keep going. Life always seems to throw curve balls when you least expect it. When you feel like everything that’s going on in life is exactly what you’ve wanted and it seems like it’s smooth sailing. Not all curve balls are bad. They are more like change ups. You never know what to expect, but always keep swinging. Keep going. There’s nothing that will be thrown your way that you can’t handle. You may feel like you’re drowning or that you just can’t take anymore, but you will always have room to keep going.

Don’t let these curve balls get you down when you feel like things aren’t going “your way”. Because let’s be honest, life isn’t Burger King and sometimes you can’t always have it your way. Curve balls can be exciting things, sad things, happy things, angry things, etc. it all depends on what attitude you let control you.

I’ve been pregnant in college with no clue what to do. How was I going to raise another human being??? Been broke. I’ve been a home owner with a broken well when I’m home by myself and have to call my dad to put him on speaker to walk me through how to prime our stupid well. P.S. stole water out of our pool for that one. Got married!(the best day of my life) Been pregnant and lost a child before the age of 25. Had our home flood 5 months later by a freak 500 year flood and have to basically put it all back together with a husband overseas, who by the way stuck with me when I was being crazy during all this. Bought a headstone. Quit a salary job for a self employed new career in a world full of sharks that would love to eat me alive. Lost “friends” along the way, but gained some great ones. Spent 4 years of my married life living with each other over Facebook because my husband is an awesome man how sacrificed so much so we had it all. Spent the last 2 years working my tail off to become the best realtor I could ever strive to be.

I don’t say all this for sympathy. I say all this to show you that I am a normal person just like you. I face trials and have triumphs just like anyone else does. BUT the difference is even with some of my trials, I kept going. Trust me I wanted to quit 102 times, but I couldn’t. Not only do I have myself to look out for, I have a husband and a son. What would quitting do? I’m thankful I have the support system that I do in my husband. Even if I wanted to quit he’d never let me and boy have I tried. He’s carried me on his back more times than I can count to get me to a point where I was okay again.

Surround yourself with good people. Surround yourself with people who truly have your best interest at heart. Surround yourself with people who will not judge you. People who will not fault you. People who love you no matter what. People who won’t talk about you behind your back. And trust me that’s hard, I know of people who have done this to me, but I have to take the high road and know that those people don’t pay my bills, they don’t sleep with me at night, they don’t live in my house and at the end of the day they have nothing to do with my immediate life and family. Regardless of who they are.

Are my trials and triumphs over? ABSOLUTELY NOT. And I would hope that they aren’t. Those trials have strengthened me. The triumphs have humbled me. But either way, every curve ball life throws my way, I’m swinging.

As a parent, I’ve gone above and beyond for birthday parties. I mean seriously almost in tears overwhelmed to make sure everything was PERFECT. I’ve spent tons of money on decorations and huge cakes and tons of food for EVERYONE. BUT one thing I would forget is that as long as Brodie had fun it’s a win! No matter how good the food is, or if there’s decorations, or if a ton of people come. If he’s having fun then everything was perfect no matter how many imperfections I saw.

This year due to baseball schedules and other events, I waited until the last minute to book his birthday party. He wanted to do Altitude in Lake Charles, which is perfect for me. Show up, bring cake and stay out of their way because they do it all. I literally booked it the Tuesday before his birthday on Saturday. So of course I scramble to invite all of our family and panic to make sure I don’t forget anyone because lord knows you don’t forget to invite family members or you’ll never hear the end. Well I’m the mix of that, mom of the year forgets to notify any moms of Brodie’s friends. I knew a lot of them were gone for baseball, but his friends from school, friends we have, etc I totally forgot!! As I’m pulling into Altitude I realize I haven’t invited a soul really! Then panicky mom kicks in. Of course now I’m worried he won’t have any friends to jump with and my fear was right. One of his cousins came and a lot of our family was there, but no other kiddos. St the end of the day Brodie still has an incredible time and even said it was his favorite birthday. They are all his favorite, but I’ll take it!

That little bit of relief knowing he had a blast. Spend the time to have them a party. Even if it’s the smallest party! Just something to honor them and make them feel special for the day. It means the most to them!!

And moms don’t worry about all the flashy stuff. Birthdays aren’t for anyone else, but the birthday kiddo!

Did you know that 1 in 4 pregnancies end in either miscarriage, still birth or infant loss? That’s a scary statistic. There are so many women out there who fall in this statistic and we may not ever know because it’s not something many people talk about.

When I found out I was pregnant in May 2015, I was in SHOCK. I had been taking my little birth control regularly and Cameron just started his first rotation in Iraq. I got this weird feeling and I just knew I was pregnant. I’ll never forget taking a pregnancy test in the very last stall in the bathroom at my JOB…of all places to take one. I just couldn’t wait. I knew I was pregnant. I just needed that little stick to tell me I was correct. After a long couple of minutes and the stick hiding under my keyboard, I couldn’t look at it. I was SCARED. Why? Who knows! There right before my eyes PREGNANT 2+ WEEKS is what that little stick said. So I stepped outside and gave my hubby a call while he was on the other side of the world to tell him we were going to be parents again. The guilt I have for the thoughts I had after finding out I was pregnant haunts me at times. I remember wondering how on earth would we pay for daycare for 2 littles. Wondering how could we make it work financially. Knowing that bringing a second child in the world meant Cameron would have to stay overseas longer than we “planned”. I regret EVERY thought like that I was feeling at the time.

Being I had Brodie at 33 weeks, I was considered high risk now. I was seeing specialists and taking shots weekly in my back side to help keep me pregnant for as long as possible. Everything was looking great! I had a checkup on a day that Cameron was flying back home so I was able to see him in person for the first time since I told him I was pregnant literally two week after he left and show him pictures of baby Morrow. Not long after that we went on vacation to Tennessee. About a week later our worlds would change.

September 16, 2015: 20 weeks, 6 days. That day changed my life. The day before I called my doctor because I just felt like something was wrong. I made him check me and everything was good, but my gut was telling me something was wrong. The night of the 15th, Cameron fell asleep in Brodie’s bed and I passed out in ours. About 3:00AM I woke up to a terrible pain. FOX News was on my TV, I’ll never forget because their spinning clock at the bottom left hand of the screen is how I counted my contractions because I couldn’t move to get my phone. I laid there for a while thinking, ehh they will stop. I mean I was fine yesterday according to the doctor. After 45 minutes and contractions 5 minutes, I realized they weren’t stopping. So I waddled down the hall and woke Cameron because I knew something was wrong. Swooping up Brodie, getting us all in the car so we could drop off Brodie to my in-laws and get me to the hospital was the blurriest time in my life. I felt like I could rip my car door off the hinge I was in so much pain. We get to the hospital and I will never forget Cameron telling me he was not leaving me in the parking lot to get me a wheelchair, we were going to make it in there! I wanted to just quit right there in the parking lot. Once we got inside, they made Cameron go get me checked in. So here I am, just me and Shanna, the nurse, I’m semi hyperventilating I think. She reassures me everything is going to be ok and that because I’m not very far along it’s probably ok. Man I was sure hoping so! She let me know she was going to check me just to insure that. I will never forget her face. When she started to cry. I knew something was wrong. I felt awful because that poor girl had no plans to be delivering news like what I was about to receive that night. I mean by the time I got there she only had 3 hours left of her shift.

She kept apologizing for breaking down and said I want to have someone double check you. I remember saying why? Is everything ok? And she said I just want to double check, but you are fully dilated and your baby is coming. Tears. They just poured. I’d like to say I am fairly intelligent, but when she said that all I could say is what does that mean. I was blank. I had no thoughts. A few minutes later Cameron came in from getting me checked in and he knew. Just from the look on my face. All I could do is say I’m sorry. And the smile and touch on my face he gave me let me know it was going to be ok and I wasn’t alone.

It was now on my time. Delivery could happen at whatever time I was ready to push. At this point, there’s no epidural, it’s too late. There’s almost no chance of survival. There’s no stopping labor. Nothing. Somehow I laid there for 2 MORE HOURS before I felt like I needed to push. Once it was “time” it went fast. The doctor wasn’t even ready yet. I caught him. One little breath latter and that was it. 6:50 AM September 16, 2015. The scariest day of my life.

The days to follow were ROUGH to say the least. I had to stay for observation. Did you know that when you loose a child they put a special card on your door to make sure the nurses know why you are there? 3 of the nurses I had while I stayed had actually been in the same shoes as me. It made it so much easier knowing I wasn’t alone. It must have been fate that those women were on duty those days and nights when I needed someone most. They were INCREDIBLE!

I don’t share this story for sympathy. I share it because I’m comfortable talking about it now. I still have moments where it bothers me. Heck 2 nights ago was one of them. I share it because I know there is someone out there who needs to hear that she isn’t alone. I hang on to knowing that it’s ok to break down, scream, cry, etc. because I know other women feel the same way.

I sit here in semi tears as we approach Brodie’s 6th birthday. When I found out I was pregnant with him, I felt like my world just got rocked. I was 20 years old, in college, living on my own and hadn’t been dating Cameron very long. How could I be a mom? Packed up my stuff and moved home to start a new life. I finished my last semester of college online. I got ready to start a life with Cameron as parents. 21 years young. I was sick everyday. After a short 7 month pregnancy, little Brodie made his entrance at 33 weeks.

During my pregnancy and even after, I would get remarks like “you haven’t lived yet”, “you two should get married to make this ‘right'”, “you did it all backwards” etc. The looks were even better! So many people were quick to judge a young mom. Truth be told if I had to do it all again, I’d do it the exact same way.

We all grew together and learned about life. We did what we had to do to make things work. In the beginning it was ROUGH. Stupid fights, small spaces, no money, etc. After our first year with little Brodie, we were able to buy a house. We spent a lot of time apart with Cameron on the road, but we made it work. Looking back, I used to get emotional about him having all the best stuff, but let’s be honest, he doesn’t remember the first couple years of his life so I did all that stressing for nothing! As he got a little older, I watched him mold into a tiny person with his own personality. As much as he needed me, I needed him more. He kept me strong when it was just me and him while Cameron sacrificed being overseas to make sure we had what we needed. Many nights we were in bed by 7:00 just watching movies with all the lights off or staying in our pj’s all day because we could. Seeing those chunky cheeks made all the down times and stressful days worth it.

He’s kept me on my toes since the day he was born! We’ve been through many phases! Colic kicked our butts, biting kids got us kicked out of two daycares, attitudes got him a lot of spankings, visiting the principal’s office in PRE-SCHOOL and having ISS made momma cry A LOT, but he’s also got a sweet side that shows me he’s got a little bit of momma’s soft heart that melts me to my core. He’s my pride, joy and pain in the butt all in one.

Parenting isn’t easy whatsoever. I have lost my cool more time than I’d like to admit, I’ve let him get away with more than he should, I’ve bought him stuff he probably didn’t need, I’ve been a little more strict than I ever thought I’d be, but I know in my heart I am doing what’s best for him. He’s my one and only. Don’t let society tell you how you should raise your child or how many kids you should have. Trust me if I could have 10 kids I would, but for now, I am blessed with a funny, sweet, almost 6 year old little boy.

Just remember you aren’t alone. That’s something I often forget. There are other people who have experienced things very similar to me and maybe even worse. It’s not about the materialistic things because those can all be replaced. The memories and the love are the things that matter most. Let them make messes. Let them be loud. Let them sing it out with you in the car. Let them cuddle in rain storms. Let them tell you all the pretend stories they come up with. Let them know how loved they are. Let them be little. The grow faster than you’d ever imagine. Here’s to year 6!